My Humps (it's not what you are thinking)

Emma showed me this video a couple weeks ago and I can't seem to get enough of it. I usually start a couple days of the work week by watching this video. It's hilarious. I like that it seems like she's making fun of the shallowness and simpleness of Fergie's song and kind of making fun of her own somber and hurtful style.

Enjoy...

Keep it Safe

I'm not even sure what to say about this.

Of all the things that NEED a lock and key, I never would have assumed that a paper towel dispenser would be one of them. What has happened, in the course of humanity, to REQUIRE a lock on a paper towel dispenser. 

I'm not sure if it is worse that someone thinks that there is a need to keep the paper towels safe...er (I say safer because really, they aren't safe at all. I could take every single towel if I wanted.) Or is it worse that there is a person out there that feels like they have been thwarted in their efforts to stockpile paper towels. It would seem that this human being is probably the laziest person in the world.

I find it funny that someone, somewhere, thinks that this is necessary.

I guess they were right when they said "it takes diff'rent strokes to move the world".

Hell hath frozen...

No, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you. I was greeted by this sign on my way to work today. $1.99 for a gallon of gas!! Who woulda thought it could happen?

I remember, 6 months ago, filling up my car for $48. I fill up my tank now and it's $22. I think I'll take my savings and go invest it. Then I thought, "is it wise to invest when the economy is in the crapper. I've already lost a bunch with my 401k". So I did what any responsible person would do, I stopped at this convenience store and spent my savings on a 32 ounce Dr. Pepper and a donut.

Mmmm...savings never tasted so good.

You Don't Get to Choose Your Family

I visited my parents and sisters this weekend. It was good to see them for a couple days. But let me give you a little advice: make sure you aren't tired when you go visit. If you take a nap, who knows what might happen.

We were hanging out in the living room, just talking, when I dozed off. The next thing I know is that there are three 2-year-olds licking my face. Apparently they think this is a great idea, especially when coaxed by two 50-year-olds, and about 3 or 4 20-somethings. The maturity level in my family is stunning. (I'll admit that if I was one of the conscious ones, I'd SO be egging them on.) And in case you aren't aware when a kid licks you, it isn't the most pleasant thing to experience.

Tiffany and Dan had a baby this last week. Welcome to the family Tyda, you have no idea what you've been forced into.

My Dealer

Let me tell you something. The Girl Scouts know a thing or two about business. In today’s day and age of pushing your product out as fast and as big as possible, the Girl Scouts bide their time. They wait for that perfect moment once a year to push their crack…I mean cookies. They don’t dilute the market. They don’t have super sales. And their product can’t be bought in stores. But I wouldn’t be surprised in the month or two that they sell cookies, that they make enough money to last a person multiple lifetimes. They are geniuses.

So, I’m going to finish my box now. I don’t care if I did open only 3 minutes ago. This stuff is delicious.

Oh, and keep your fingers away. I would feel sorta bad if I had to break them off of your hand. Get your own damn box!

Lean, Mean....Out of Shape

I’ve come to a sad realization…I’m old, and out of shape.

I’ve been saying that I was out of shape for months, maybe even years but I don’t think I really believed how out of shape I really am. It’s best way I can describe it is when a really hot chick keeps telling people that she’s ugly, but you KNOW that she knows that she’s hot. Except it’s backwards for me, I said I was out of shape but didn’t really BELIEVE that I was out of shape.

What can I say….sometimes I’m an idiot. I guess I didn’t realize that years of extreme web and channel surfing coupled with countless hours of computer and xbox gaming would make my muscles regress into a state of severe atrophy.

So, with the support of a friend of mine, I’m now going to the gym again. Although I might not go for another couple days to allow my body the time to recover from my recent workout. It’s not a New Year’s Resolution, it’s just a ‘better my life’ resolution. I think it’s very important for a person to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without being completely winded.

Hopefully this will work for me. At the very least, I’m going to the gym at least once a week. I hope to make it 3 times a week. And if I’m feeling especially ambitious, I might even start going every day. (Don’t worry about that though; I’m not much of an overachiever.)

So the next time you see me, I’ll be a lean, muscular, in-shape person.

But just in case I haven’t done as well as I thought I would do, let’s not talk about it, ok?