Halloween

Ok. In my defense, it wasn't my idea. I was coerced, or if you know a word that is better that would indicate that I was forced against my will to do it. (It was actually pretty fun seeing the different reactions of my co-workers)

I'm just saying that next time, it'll take a substantial amount of money to get me dressed in anything resembling a skirt and giving myself a "B" cup.

Ali's Blog

Oh, and by the way, I totally kicked everyone's asses and won first place!

I give up on this species

So there I was, minding my own business, being entertained by another rerun of Seinfeld. I just can't get enough of that show. I've probably seen each episode a handful of times and yet I still laugh each time I see them. 'Pinky Toe', 'Vandalay Industries', 'The Second Spitter'... I could go on and on. If you don't know what these mean, I suggest you go rent or buy the series and spend the next couple months getting yourself acquainted with these weirdos. Anyway, like I was saying, there I was, enjoying my evening and then a commercial came on which left me baffled.



Yes folks, Restless Leg Syndrome. It is unbelievable. I'm not sure what's worse, the people that think they actually have this or the people that have actually spent millions of dollars trying to make up a new syndrome.

I believe my response was something to the effect of "are you kidding me? Do you see this? What the hell are they talking about? Restless Leg Syndrome???!!! That's it, I can't take this anymore. We're looking for anything to bitch about these days!" (to find out the exact quote, please inquire about it with Ali)

And did you hear the side affects of the drug?? It may cause an urge to gamble. Huh?! Um, does Vegas know about this drug? It's only a matter of time before they start slipping these pills into their meals and drinks.

Anyway, I think this commercial has pushed me over the edge to purchase a TiVo.

By the way, I'm going to the Doctor tomorrow. I get this thing that happens everytime that I've been awake for 16 hours; I just can't seem to keep my eyes open and after I close them for a few minutes, I lose consciousness. This can't be healthy. I'm quite afraid that something terrible is going to happen. I hope the Doctor can help me out but I'm skeptical. I mean, this has been happening for years now.

Maybe next week I'll tell him that if I don't eat for 5 or 6 hours, my stomach kind of hurts.

Go sell crazy somewhere else

So, I finally had to renew my license yesterday. 10 years of the same 'stoned' looking 20 year old on my license is going in the trash. It will be replaced with a 'stoned' looking 30 year old. But this isn't about my inability to have my drivers license picture look like something out of GQ, it's about the crazy-ass people that inhabit this world.

You don't think there are THAT many crazies? Just go down to the DMV or the Social Security Office or pretty much any government office building and you'll find out how the sane people are actually in the minority.

You'll hear the 400 pound lady's every single breath. And then you'll hear her make grunting sounds and you'll swear that she's getting excited because she sees someone eating a Snicker's candy bar. Then she'll start digging through her purse, and you know that she's looking for her 'secret' stash. Which really isn't a secret because we can all see that she is 400 pounds. We expect that she will always have food within 3 feet of her at anytime.

There was a guy, probably in his late 60's or early 70's. He was surprisingly very physically fit, you know, for a 70 year old. But he didn't appear to be too mentally fit. He was sitting a few chairs away from me and kept mumbling to himself. Most of it, I could not understand. However, there was one sentence that I definitely understood and it has been on my mind ever since. I found it a little disturbing and made me think that maybe this guy isn't as mentally unfit as I first thought. The only thing I understood from this guy was this, and it is an exact quote, "there isn't going to be enough room in the freezer". Well, after I heard this, I saw this guy in an entirely different light. He was no longer the sweet old 70 year old that is slowly losing his mind. He became the creepy old 70 year old that is only losing freezer space because he can't stand disrespectful assholes like me. His glasses made his eyes look like someone who is crazy but knows exactly what they're doing. It was a little unnerving that every time I managed enough courage to look at him, he was looking at me and mumbling to himself. What could I do? I didn't want to end up in his freezer. So I'll stop looking at him. Have you ever tried to not look at someone that you know was certifiably crazy?? It can't be done. Go ahead, go to the DMV and pick out your own Crazy and try to not look at him. You'll find that you'll fail miserably.

DING! "Number 41"

Finally. Hurry up! Check my eyes! Take my money! Take the damn picture!

On my way out, the 400 pound lady's candy had fallen on the floor. I'll be damned if I'm going to stop to pick it up and give it to her. If there is one person in that room that didn't need candy, it was her. Besides, I'm about to be hacked into pieces.

I'm still in the prime of my life, right?

Ok, I understand that I can't do the same things at 30 that I could when I was 18. But I don't like it. Not at all. I feel like I should be able to do everything that I used to do, but I can't.

Last night I played a baseball game. I've always liked playing baseball and have considered myself quite good at the sport. Shortstop has been my position of choice. So I was playing yesterday and went for a ground ball and felt a twinge in my thigh. I didn't pull my hamstring but I did strain it and I'm going to have to beg someone to give me a massage and be careful with it for the next few days.

I remember a particular day back when I was 18. I woke up at 7:00 a.m. to go play some basketball. I played in this tournament for 8 straight hours. As I remember it, I hardly broke a sweat. Later that day I had a friend that asked me to play on their softball team, which I did. And finally, I had another basketball tournament to play in that night (this time only 2 games). I forgot to mention that before the softball game I ate an entire large pizza, myself. Then I went home and went to bed. Not exhausted. No sore muscles. It was just another day. Now, I play one baseball game and go for one grounder and I'm limping for 2 days.

I should be able to do what I used to at 18, right?

I guess not.

Although being 30 does have it's advantages. I have a house, a wife, a car, and can pretty much get anything I want.

Take that you stupid 18 year old!

Fantasy....whatever

So I was calculating the scores in my office pool March Madness tournament bracket and realized, yet again, that I will not win. Could someone explain to me why I feel the need to play these "pick 'em" games? According to my last count, I haven't won a thing...ever. A person might think with so many failures that I'd just give up. But didn't your dad ever tell you that quitters never prosper? Right now, that's all I have because it isn't any pride or money from my very intelligent and rational picks.

By the way, did you know that the baseball season started this week? It's my first attempt at Fantasy Baseball and I already have players on the Disabled List. I give up.

Football season starts in a couple months...

I guess it's a good thing that I don't follow sports too closely.

How did that happen?

I find it rather peculiar that one event can end up changing a life so drastically. Not a decision, an event. An event that you had no control over or any decision making options. An event that was unexpected but wasn't life altering at the moment. I'm not talking about a drastic event such as witnessing the murder of someone or the senseless brutality of others. I'm talking about small things that were never expected to happen. That weren't ever considered as being "life changing". However, five years later, you look back and see that almost everything that has happened to you since then, good or bad, stems from this event.
You might wish that it had never happened. What's the point of that? Wishing that something different happened in your life is quite useless. And would you really want that? Who's to say that your life would be much better without that happening to you? So, the here and now, that's what we have. That's what we should think about and deal with.
Live and learn. That's what my mom always said. Sometimes it's tough knowing which one is harder to do.