Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Go sell crazy somewhere else

So, I finally had to renew my license yesterday. 10 years of the same 'stoned' looking 20 year old on my license is going in the trash. It will be replaced with a 'stoned' looking 30 year old. But this isn't about my inability to have my drivers license picture look like something out of GQ, it's about the crazy-ass people that inhabit this world.

You don't think there are THAT many crazies? Just go down to the DMV or the Social Security Office or pretty much any government office building and you'll find out how the sane people are actually in the minority.

You'll hear the 400 pound lady's every single breath. And then you'll hear her make grunting sounds and you'll swear that she's getting excited because she sees someone eating a Snicker's candy bar. Then she'll start digging through her purse, and you know that she's looking for her 'secret' stash. Which really isn't a secret because we can all see that she is 400 pounds. We expect that she will always have food within 3 feet of her at anytime.

There was a guy, probably in his late 60's or early 70's. He was surprisingly very physically fit, you know, for a 70 year old. But he didn't appear to be too mentally fit. He was sitting a few chairs away from me and kept mumbling to himself. Most of it, I could not understand. However, there was one sentence that I definitely understood and it has been on my mind ever since. I found it a little disturbing and made me think that maybe this guy isn't as mentally unfit as I first thought. The only thing I understood from this guy was this, and it is an exact quote, "there isn't going to be enough room in the freezer". Well, after I heard this, I saw this guy in an entirely different light. He was no longer the sweet old 70 year old that is slowly losing his mind. He became the creepy old 70 year old that is only losing freezer space because he can't stand disrespectful assholes like me. His glasses made his eyes look like someone who is crazy but knows exactly what they're doing. It was a little unnerving that every time I managed enough courage to look at him, he was looking at me and mumbling to himself. What could I do? I didn't want to end up in his freezer. So I'll stop looking at him. Have you ever tried to not look at someone that you know was certifiably crazy?? It can't be done. Go ahead, go to the DMV and pick out your own Crazy and try to not look at him. You'll find that you'll fail miserably.

DING! "Number 41"

Finally. Hurry up! Check my eyes! Take my money! Take the damn picture!

On my way out, the 400 pound lady's candy had fallen on the floor. I'll be damned if I'm going to stop to pick it up and give it to her. If there is one person in that room that didn't need candy, it was her. Besides, I'm about to be hacked into pieces.